Hearts & Minds: The problem with being polite

Brits drive the rest of the world mad. In all sorts of ways, they send people nuts with their peculiar customs and foibles. One such is not saying what they mean. They should stop. Today can be Liberation Day, in which they break free from centuries of purgatory.

New research from Trinity College, London - the English language awarding centre – reveals just how maddening they are, to each other and to foreigners. They love using polite phrases to mask anger, resentment, frustration, irritation or simply to dodge awkwardness. They say, ‘It sounds fun’, when it doesn’t.  Or because they wish to soften the blow, ‘I’m sure it’s just me’ when it is everyone who thinks you’re to blame.

From the moment they can speak ingrained into them is the saying of the former chancellor of England, William of Wykeham: ‘Manners maketh man.’ They must show restraint not excess, always. The result is that half of people use ‘polite-isms’, designed to avoid confrontation or disagreement, every single day, sometimes as many as 14 times. So, ‘Could I squeeze past you’, is said by 48% of folks when they want someone to get out of their way immediately. ‘I beg your pardon?’ – translation, you’ve been unspeakably rude but I cannot bring myself to say so and is used by 42%. ‘Sorry, I’m a bit busy right now’ – 41% say that when they want to be left alone.

Worse, they often state the direct opposite of what they mean. When a Brit says, ‘Not to worry!’ you should. It is them saying it’s a disaster. Likewise, ‘It could be worse.’ No, it could not.

‘I hear what you’re saying’ means I have already forgotten what it was you said. Similarly, ‘No rush, whenever you have a minute’, instead of this is urgent. ‘I’ll bear it in mind’ - I’ve already forgotten about it.

Brits adore passive aggression. ‘With all due respect’ – you’re uttering rubbish and I’m about to tell you why. And the boss’s favourite: ‘As per my last email’. Translation: I told you then and you didn’t respond and I am furious I am having to tell you again. Or ‘Just a gentle reminder’ - I can’t believe you’ve not done this yet.

Doubtless, some will read this and say, ‘That’s one way of looking at it’. Others are ‘Happy to discuss’. They nod and smile. ‘It’s an interesting idea’.

Chris Blackhurst is one of the UK’s foremost business journalists. He was previously Editor of The Independent and City Editor of the Evening Standard.